all for the diamonds....

ok,

so i just saw blood diamond last night. and it was AMAZING...

i cried last night a lot. and learned some stuff about myself, which i can pretty much sum up in three words...

ignorant. spoiled. ungrateful.

thing is stuff like this, crimes against humanity, is a reality.

i wonder if leo and jennifer stopped buying diamonds after making this film?

detachment is apathy. do you care?

do you ever feel like you have completely lost yourself. somewhere. somehow. you are just gone. or do you ever feel like you have so much to say, but cannot properly articulate yourself. i think this is why i have not posted in a while. it's kind of funny how life pans out, i mean really. and you just have to be ready for it -obstacles and all. anyway...

recently, i have become extremely wary of the human race. i think i must have been in a whole different world prior to the last two years of my life, because back then my world view was all lollipops and daisys. or whatever. now, i have thrown away my naivety for reality, maybe pessimism, i will leave that for you to decide. but seriously, you look at what is going on around the world and wonder how people can sleep at night when there exists poverty, genocide, war, and hunger. you have to wonder how people can wake up every morning and look at themselves in the mirror knowing they did nothing, not one thing that enhanced the state of humankind. i think it was quoted best in hotel rwanda when paul comments to jack about how people will do something to stop the genocide once they see the footage, and jack says in response:

"I think if people see this footage, they'll say Oh, my God, that's horrible. And then they'll go on eating their dinners."

this is by far one of the most powerful lines i have ever heard said in a movie because it is so true. i mean think about it. when you watch the news or hear about any sort of human suffering, you may feel sad for the concerned individual or population, but do you really give it a second thought? or does it inspire you to make change? but i honestly wonder where this detachment from the world came from, especially, here in the united states. why are people unaware of the human suffering that exists in the world around them? and if they do, do they know the extent? OR do they even care to know? i can only speculate that it has to do with the individualistic nature of its' society, but that is just my opinion. in all actuality, we should be speaking out for the weak. we should be supporting those in need. we should denounce all the human rights violations that are clearly being committed, mostly by self-interested super powers, around the world. it makes me nauseous.

i say all this, shamefully finding myself in the category of "having done next to nothing" to assist those who are weak, suffering, and hungry. so, i ask you, what have you done?

please dont become a victim of apathy.

Real Live Questions

There are two questions that I get asked all the time. One, I am extremely sick of –the infamous, “aren’t you hot” question. I swear I feel like I get asked that about 20 million times a week. A lady even in the parking lot of the grocery store stopped her car right next to me as I was walking and said “oh, you poor dear aren’t you hot?" OK people, think about it, if you are hot, I probably am too. Not rocket science.

The other question is a bit more difficult for me to answer. It never fails to throw me off guard regardless of who is asking the question, “why did you start covering your head?” I would like to say that I have some great story as to why I started covering my head, but I really don’t. honestly, almost a year prior to when I actually started, I put on the hijab and unfortunately my confidence disappeared as I was about to take my first step out the door. All that was going through my head was how are people gonna look at me? Will people still talk to me? What will my coworkers say? Will I be treated fairly? My nerves got the best of me and I took it off and went to school. I think at that time I forgot that all I needed was to have faith in Allah (swt) that He will take care of me and He will make the transition easy for me.

Ok so fast forward to a year or so later. I had probably been wearing it for a few days when a friend of mine decided to tell me that she thought I had started covering as a form of control since the rest of my life was in complete disarray. I rejected her hypothesis because this is something that I had always wanted to do. My aunt had just passed away (allah yer7amha) and I really had an extremely difficult time with her death. I started the hijab the day after she died. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. The first thing on my mind when I woke up that morning was hijab. I remember thinking, so this is the day. I grabbed a black scarf and spent about forty-five minutes attempting to make it look decent. Somewhat satisfied, I left the house with a different mentality than my previous attempt, that inshaa Allah, everything would be ok and began my day. And let me tell you something, everything that I was apprehensive about ---there was no need for it. People did not look at me funny, random people still talked to me, my co-workers loved it, and I didn’t feel like I was being discriminated against.

One more thing I wanna mention. I did receive some awesome support. One person, who, in my opinion, has such an incredibly unique perspective on just about everything gave me the best and most memorable advice I could have ever received in my life. This person told me to write down all the reasons as to why I started covering my head, so when I feel conflicted or in despair I can go back to that list and remember why I did it in the first place. How beautiful is that? Who would ever think to tell anyone something like that? Seriously.




Subhanallah one of the best feelings in the world is when you are pleasantly proved wrong. Allah made the transition easy for me and with that I have no regrets.

marine vs. ali's (round one)

okay, so after an exciting day of a whole lotta nothing, i came home to visitors at the house. they were old family friends from the great state of new mexico. man, i would love check it out sometime. anyway, so a little background before i tell the story. the father of this family is egyptian and the mom is american. i was told that she had intended to join the convent. i wonder what happened? anyway, they have two kids, a son and a daughter who are both muslim. i always wondered what it is like to grow up having parents of different faiths. i imagine that it must be difficult maintaining religious identity. ok, i should get to the point. so the son, a US marine, and my father were chit chatting today about the middle east. and of course, my father and his overly opinionated self (i wonder where i get it from?) kindly stated why he did not support the war in iraq. our friend, the marine, was not happy about that. and i thought it was extremely interesting because all he kept saying was that they needed to get saddam out of there. he was brutal, he was crazy, he was evil, and no one can deny that.

so when we asked about the state of iraq today, he said that they would all kill each other if we were not there. without getting into the nitty gritty of it all, i think many of us can agree that the US went into iraq and "ba7dillo el dinya," which basically means they messed things up. apparently, according to him, none of us can completely understand what it is like since we have not been there. how did i know he was gonna play that card. makes me wonder how he would explain the rapes and the current infrastrucure which includes the complete loss of political and social order. with that said, WHY does this kid think that the US has helped? and the only thing that i could think of was that he was trying to justify his role in the iraq. do not get me wrong, i am not questioning his intentions. i honestly think that he believes that he was there to make it a better place for the iraqi citizens and that in some way he has. but like any job, we need to be able to rationally reflect on what we did and whether what we are doing is the right thing to do. and it is difficult to for one to admit when he or she is wrong. i think that is why people try sooooo hard to justify their actions especially when it resulted in harm. hmmm.... i also wanted to ask another question. how did he feel about attacking a country filled with his muslim brothers and sisters? well, he is here for another week -maybe i can pick his brain a little more....

akheeran...

okay i have to give a shout out to habib hayati who helped me with the spelling of my blog -yes, i am serious.

ok, so i was checking out samira's blog today and i noticed she had a link to many blogs including one that said something like "soon to blog." she outted me!!! lol, so now i must write out of complete embarassment of my own retardedness for starting, but never actually writing in my blog. honestly, i do not have anything interesting to say, and i am rather surprised that you are still reading this. so, i will try to make it worthwhile. just so you know, i am just gonna write and post. no grammar or spell checks. NUTHIN. so please feel free to correct me all you want, i do not care.



with that said, i started working at the department of human services this summer. which so far has been an amazing experience. i am working on a project that will enhance cultural competency in nursing facilities in minnesota. that is an extremely short description. i guess i realized what i want to do and what i do not want to do. ultimately, i would love to work for an international organization such as the WHO on health policy reform for developing countries. but, if that does not work out you will probably find me working on issues that deal with reducing health disparities. allahu alim.



so anyway, i was talking to one of my co-workers the other day. and i have to say, i was annoyed. we were talking about what we wanted to do with our lives. and i told him what my interests are. however, when we finally got to the issue of marriage, i told him that i would like to stay home with my kids. ooooh let me tell you, apparently staying at home is some alien concept, because that is not what he wanted to hear. lol. he basically did not understand why i was getting a master's degree. "you should not waste what you are doing." okkaaaaaaaay, i did not know that it was either or? you know what i mean. i have nothing against a working mother, and i would probably work when my kids are older. but, if it is possible, economically and what not, then this girl will be staying at home. it seems like nowadays, staying at home is the uncool and unexpected thing to do. but there is nothing like a mother's love and guidance. i think what annoyed me the most is the idea that my education would be a waste. what is that? no education is a waste. and thinking about the aforementioned statement of my coworker more closely, do people think that stay at home mothers are uneducated? i don't even wanna go there, it was just a thought. ok, i am done venting. until next time...