If

There is something about Rudyard Kipling's poetry that moves me. I hope you enjoy the following poem as much as I do. It is so easy to lose yourself and often times it is not until later that you realize it is never worth it. The ground is much closer than you think -sometimes you just have to work a little harder to find it or find your way back.

And. we. are. off!



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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

silence is wisdom, but not in all cases...

"you did not know that access to health care was an issue in this country?" this is the reaction i received from david page, outgoing ceo of fairview riverside hospital, when i mentioned that prior to my junior year of college i had no idea that some people did not have health insurance or could not afford to go to the doctor. well, dave, that is what happens when you grow up in a bubble commonly known as the suburbs. people just don't talk about these things.

although i have to say that i do not think this happy bubble is limited to the suburbs -my experience at the school of public health (sph) suggests otherwise. if i was feeling dramatic, luckily for you i am not, i would say that the sph ruined my life. truth be told, i have come out of the school extremely disheartened. public health professionals, as i see it, are supposed to enhance the quality of life for the community and be that voice for people who often go unheard -the voice for those that struggle to access the services they may need. but, in my two years at the school, i can count MAYBE on one hand a professor stressing the importance of community involvement beyond a needs assessment. and might i just add, i WISH at least one professor would have stressed the fact that best practices differ among communities. in other words, get rid of the make them like us mentality......

*sigh*


but then when i think about it, why would faculty even touch on these aforementioned points when they were not even willing to advocate for the rights of their own students. what am i talking about, you ask? the following quotes and instances are examples of institutional racism and/or straight-up ignorance at its finest, and of course, all were swept under some pretty rug collecting dust...still waiting to be exposed in all its ugliness...

1. an email was sent out to a large listserv within the school warning students, staff, and faculty of a theft that had occurred, "please look out for a tall black man."

2. "those rich arab sheikhs come to the mayo clinic asking for golden faucets in their rooms. but they are good for the rochester economy because they leave with cargo planes filled will merchandise. they also give money to mayo, which makes up for uncompensated care."

3. "those native americans, american indians, whatever you call them..."

4. "wow, you speak so well."

5. "i knew someone of your skin color once (white man says to black woman), i wondered why she spoke so well and, when i asked, i found that she was adopted by a white family."

6. "you better keep quiet before your green card turns red."

7. "aliyah, maybe you can give us an international students' perspective."

8. "if i didn't want to work with you because you wore a scarf, i would have to learn and implement ways to ensure that we get along."


those were just a select few things that i could remember -there are more. keep in mind that these quotes indicate what people actually said -they are not 100% accurate, but you get the idea. so, what do we do in those instances such as #1 and #5 when faculty are made aware of the situation, but choose to remain silent? maybe they don't want to involve themselves in the politics of "ratting out" another professor? maybe they just don't care? maybe they care, but just don't know what to say? but what will likely happen, as i have experienced first hand, is that they will brush it off and tell you to "treat it as a learning experience." can i just say, that if this was all wrapped up in a research project, i probably would not be writing this...just a thought.


i'm sorry, but i honestly cannot think of one excuse that justifies this type of silence. the "let us play it safe" silence that inhibits the school from establishing an environment of understanding , ultimately, sending the message that insensitivity, intolerence, and yes, racism is tolerated. disheartened and all, i do value aspects of my experience. ironically, i guess i did learn something. i NEVER want to make anyone feel small by remaining silent on issues that matter most, especially the issues that have and obviously continue plague our country. martin luther king jr. once said: "our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." this seems so basic, a given if you will, but you would be surprised how many self-described humanatarians (this is not limited to public health professionals) have failed to fulfill the apt phrase spoken by the reverend. inshaa allah, i hope i do not fall into a routine that ends up silencing me.

Untitled

Unable to look her in the eyes
He tells her how beautiful she is
She said, “there is no one but you”
Slowly, he lifts his lashes
A delicate flower, preserving its petals
His expression now transparent
She steals a glimpse of his soul
Unexpectedly seeing the expected
He no longer belonged to her

Reminded of his past painful words
Spoken with such ease, such conviction
“I don’t know why I have little faith in you”
Tears stream down her face
Following a familiar path unknown to him
Steadily opening her mouth
She nervously licks her salt-stained lips
Determined to show him the hurt
She says nothing
Sleeping her sorrow away

He said, “you always believed in me”
She knew that was not enough
A smile so faint
Forms her countenance
Never does it reach her eyes
Unwilling to compete with the past
The truth she had been running from
Cornered her
Suffocating her into a nauseating realization
He only ever loved the idea of her

From time to time
She remembers the man she once knew
The smile that could melt the coldest of hearts
The sharp, almost intimidating intellect
Now watching him from afar
Stumbling
Contemplating the path ahead of him
She glances up at the sky
“Alhamdulillah” she softly whispers
And turns away
From a man she never really knew at all

all for the diamonds....

ok,

so i just saw blood diamond last night. and it was AMAZING...

i cried last night a lot. and learned some stuff about myself, which i can pretty much sum up in three words...

ignorant. spoiled. ungrateful.

thing is stuff like this, crimes against humanity, is a reality.

i wonder if leo and jennifer stopped buying diamonds after making this film?

detachment is apathy. do you care?

do you ever feel like you have completely lost yourself. somewhere. somehow. you are just gone. or do you ever feel like you have so much to say, but cannot properly articulate yourself. i think this is why i have not posted in a while. it's kind of funny how life pans out, i mean really. and you just have to be ready for it -obstacles and all. anyway...

recently, i have become extremely wary of the human race. i think i must have been in a whole different world prior to the last two years of my life, because back then my world view was all lollipops and daisys. or whatever. now, i have thrown away my naivety for reality, maybe pessimism, i will leave that for you to decide. but seriously, you look at what is going on around the world and wonder how people can sleep at night when there exists poverty, genocide, war, and hunger. you have to wonder how people can wake up every morning and look at themselves in the mirror knowing they did nothing, not one thing that enhanced the state of humankind. i think it was quoted best in hotel rwanda when paul comments to jack about how people will do something to stop the genocide once they see the footage, and jack says in response:

"I think if people see this footage, they'll say Oh, my God, that's horrible. And then they'll go on eating their dinners."

this is by far one of the most powerful lines i have ever heard said in a movie because it is so true. i mean think about it. when you watch the news or hear about any sort of human suffering, you may feel sad for the concerned individual or population, but do you really give it a second thought? or does it inspire you to make change? but i honestly wonder where this detachment from the world came from, especially, here in the united states. why are people unaware of the human suffering that exists in the world around them? and if they do, do they know the extent? OR do they even care to know? i can only speculate that it has to do with the individualistic nature of its' society, but that is just my opinion. in all actuality, we should be speaking out for the weak. we should be supporting those in need. we should denounce all the human rights violations that are clearly being committed, mostly by self-interested super powers, around the world. it makes me nauseous.

i say all this, shamefully finding myself in the category of "having done next to nothing" to assist those who are weak, suffering, and hungry. so, i ask you, what have you done?

please dont become a victim of apathy.

Real Live Questions

There are two questions that I get asked all the time. One, I am extremely sick of –the infamous, “aren’t you hot” question. I swear I feel like I get asked that about 20 million times a week. A lady even in the parking lot of the grocery store stopped her car right next to me as I was walking and said “oh, you poor dear aren’t you hot?" OK people, think about it, if you are hot, I probably am too. Not rocket science.

The other question is a bit more difficult for me to answer. It never fails to throw me off guard regardless of who is asking the question, “why did you start covering your head?” I would like to say that I have some great story as to why I started covering my head, but I really don’t. honestly, almost a year prior to when I actually started, I put on the hijab and unfortunately my confidence disappeared as I was about to take my first step out the door. All that was going through my head was how are people gonna look at me? Will people still talk to me? What will my coworkers say? Will I be treated fairly? My nerves got the best of me and I took it off and went to school. I think at that time I forgot that all I needed was to have faith in Allah (swt) that He will take care of me and He will make the transition easy for me.

Ok so fast forward to a year or so later. I had probably been wearing it for a few days when a friend of mine decided to tell me that she thought I had started covering as a form of control since the rest of my life was in complete disarray. I rejected her hypothesis because this is something that I had always wanted to do. My aunt had just passed away (allah yer7amha) and I really had an extremely difficult time with her death. I started the hijab the day after she died. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. The first thing on my mind when I woke up that morning was hijab. I remember thinking, so this is the day. I grabbed a black scarf and spent about forty-five minutes attempting to make it look decent. Somewhat satisfied, I left the house with a different mentality than my previous attempt, that inshaa Allah, everything would be ok and began my day. And let me tell you something, everything that I was apprehensive about ---there was no need for it. People did not look at me funny, random people still talked to me, my co-workers loved it, and I didn’t feel like I was being discriminated against.

One more thing I wanna mention. I did receive some awesome support. One person, who, in my opinion, has such an incredibly unique perspective on just about everything gave me the best and most memorable advice I could have ever received in my life. This person told me to write down all the reasons as to why I started covering my head, so when I feel conflicted or in despair I can go back to that list and remember why I did it in the first place. How beautiful is that? Who would ever think to tell anyone something like that? Seriously.




Subhanallah one of the best feelings in the world is when you are pleasantly proved wrong. Allah made the transition easy for me and with that I have no regrets.

marine vs. ali's (round one)

okay, so after an exciting day of a whole lotta nothing, i came home to visitors at the house. they were old family friends from the great state of new mexico. man, i would love check it out sometime. anyway, so a little background before i tell the story. the father of this family is egyptian and the mom is american. i was told that she had intended to join the convent. i wonder what happened? anyway, they have two kids, a son and a daughter who are both muslim. i always wondered what it is like to grow up having parents of different faiths. i imagine that it must be difficult maintaining religious identity. ok, i should get to the point. so the son, a US marine, and my father were chit chatting today about the middle east. and of course, my father and his overly opinionated self (i wonder where i get it from?) kindly stated why he did not support the war in iraq. our friend, the marine, was not happy about that. and i thought it was extremely interesting because all he kept saying was that they needed to get saddam out of there. he was brutal, he was crazy, he was evil, and no one can deny that.

so when we asked about the state of iraq today, he said that they would all kill each other if we were not there. without getting into the nitty gritty of it all, i think many of us can agree that the US went into iraq and "ba7dillo el dinya," which basically means they messed things up. apparently, according to him, none of us can completely understand what it is like since we have not been there. how did i know he was gonna play that card. makes me wonder how he would explain the rapes and the current infrastrucure which includes the complete loss of political and social order. with that said, WHY does this kid think that the US has helped? and the only thing that i could think of was that he was trying to justify his role in the iraq. do not get me wrong, i am not questioning his intentions. i honestly think that he believes that he was there to make it a better place for the iraqi citizens and that in some way he has. but like any job, we need to be able to rationally reflect on what we did and whether what we are doing is the right thing to do. and it is difficult to for one to admit when he or she is wrong. i think that is why people try sooooo hard to justify their actions especially when it resulted in harm. hmmm.... i also wanted to ask another question. how did he feel about attacking a country filled with his muslim brothers and sisters? well, he is here for another week -maybe i can pick his brain a little more....

akheeran...

okay i have to give a shout out to habib hayati who helped me with the spelling of my blog -yes, i am serious.

ok, so i was checking out samira's blog today and i noticed she had a link to many blogs including one that said something like "soon to blog." she outted me!!! lol, so now i must write out of complete embarassment of my own retardedness for starting, but never actually writing in my blog. honestly, i do not have anything interesting to say, and i am rather surprised that you are still reading this. so, i will try to make it worthwhile. just so you know, i am just gonna write and post. no grammar or spell checks. NUTHIN. so please feel free to correct me all you want, i do not care.



with that said, i started working at the department of human services this summer. which so far has been an amazing experience. i am working on a project that will enhance cultural competency in nursing facilities in minnesota. that is an extremely short description. i guess i realized what i want to do and what i do not want to do. ultimately, i would love to work for an international organization such as the WHO on health policy reform for developing countries. but, if that does not work out you will probably find me working on issues that deal with reducing health disparities. allahu alim.



so anyway, i was talking to one of my co-workers the other day. and i have to say, i was annoyed. we were talking about what we wanted to do with our lives. and i told him what my interests are. however, when we finally got to the issue of marriage, i told him that i would like to stay home with my kids. ooooh let me tell you, apparently staying at home is some alien concept, because that is not what he wanted to hear. lol. he basically did not understand why i was getting a master's degree. "you should not waste what you are doing." okkaaaaaaaay, i did not know that it was either or? you know what i mean. i have nothing against a working mother, and i would probably work when my kids are older. but, if it is possible, economically and what not, then this girl will be staying at home. it seems like nowadays, staying at home is the uncool and unexpected thing to do. but there is nothing like a mother's love and guidance. i think what annoyed me the most is the idea that my education would be a waste. what is that? no education is a waste. and thinking about the aforementioned statement of my coworker more closely, do people think that stay at home mothers are uneducated? i don't even wanna go there, it was just a thought. ok, i am done venting. until next time...